I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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