Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I smell stomach acid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
