OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
