he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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