shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
