you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
there is puke in my bra ... again
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