You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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