I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
