Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He? As in you personified your dick?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize