I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
