just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
