Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
