Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
