you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
