I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
