Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
