I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
