Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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