You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
