My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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