i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
