talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
