I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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