i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
