So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
