Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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