Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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