I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
