I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
