where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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