the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
