I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
