Sponge bath it is.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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