Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
