I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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