Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
