You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
