remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
