After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
