sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
