i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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