you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
