my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
