you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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