So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
