We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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