sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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