I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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