I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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