pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
