I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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