note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The air was thick with penises
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
