I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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