6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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