i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
