I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
