shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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