based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
