You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news, I just burned my penis
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
