my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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