Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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