I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
