I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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