i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
